you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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