Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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