Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
my liver is dry heaving
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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