i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
