If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
