I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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