fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
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You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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