This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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