what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
