quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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