You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
