my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize