No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
