I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
