ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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