i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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