You work out of a Hotel?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
