that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
