wakey wakey hands off snakey
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
