I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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