Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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