Taylor Swift is so right about you.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
