there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
