I wannas sexs uuuuu
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
