She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
