her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She told me I should be a condom model.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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