theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
