Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's rum buckets o'clock
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
