you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
