paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
4 words: hood of his car
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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