he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Houston, we have a squirter
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
