I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
