Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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