remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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