Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
