I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My vagina just recognized that song.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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