I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
