its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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