3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
