Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
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my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
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Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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