I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean