If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.