The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
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All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
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I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?