found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.