Texts From Last Night

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  (636): View more from Missouri

  12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.

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  (636): 12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome. http://tfl.nu/wffb
  Replies (10) Good night (2664) Bad night (813)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.

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  (626): Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome. http://tfl.nu/kgjr
  Replies (16) Good night (4334) Bad night (699)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it

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  (631): fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it http://tfl.nu/tjsq
  Replies (4) Good night (2096) Bad night (896)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about

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  (620): I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about http://tfl.nu/33to
  Replies (23) Good night (758) Bad night (4466)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.

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  (630): Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music. http://tfl.nu/mqx0
  Replies (12) Good night (3115) Bad night (1142)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.

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  (214): Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned. http://tfl.nu/8xw4
  Replies (23) Good night (1400) Bad night (4256)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes

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  (773): Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes http://tfl.nu/y66v
  Replies (27) Good night (4779) Bad night (1066)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount

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  (845): I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount http://tfl.nu/tdiu
  Replies (9) Good night (3360) Bad night (923)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.

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  (847): I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/xqx5
  Replies (12) Good night (1764) Bad night (598)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.

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  (404): my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class. http://tfl.nu/g08a
  Replies (24) Good night (1976) Bad night (540)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.

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  (801): The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting. http://tfl.nu/bouz
  Replies (3) Good night (944) Bad night (485)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.

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  (360): So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace. http://tfl.nu/c8hs
  Replies (5) Good night (1247) Bad night (342)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night

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  (585): Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night http://tfl.nu/8kd0
  Replies (2) Good night (403) Bad night (518)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".

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  (309): Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail". http://tfl.nu/i687
  Replies (9) Good night (947) Bad night (328)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.

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  (479): They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora. http://tfl.nu/rpdd
  Replies (5) Good night (598) Bad night (282)

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