the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
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No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.