I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We're too hungover to prance.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"