**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
