How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
