Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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