"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
