I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
