someone get that fucking seahorse.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
