dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
