one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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