I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize