I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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