Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
