My Higher Power is John Stamos
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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