it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
