Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
