this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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